Pairing: Will and Sonny
Rating: Eh, pretty much G
Disclaimer: I own nothing and do not make a profit
Notes: Something I started writing a while ago, then I realized someone else was writing about Sonny's Journal, so I wasn't sure I should still continue on with it. I'm also not sure if I will stick with just Will's point of view, or shift back and forth. It's been 8 months since I have written anything, so just wanted to get back in the swing of things.
Summary: This is Will writing about his coming out story. So far, it follows what happened on the show, but with his internal feelings coming out in his writing.
I’m not a sappy kind of guy. Emotional…even sentimental at times? Okay, sure. But I’m not a girl…I don’t DO diaries. Except, the thing is…I’ve been having these feelings lately, and with no one to talk to about them, I have to get them out somehow. So, here I am, writing down my innermost thoughts, trying to make sense of what I’m thinking…what I’m feeling.
June 23, 2011
June 23, 2011
Where to start? Well, I suppose it started when Gabi and I kissed for the first time. We were at mom and Rafe’s apartment, and, I don’t know, it kind of felt risky…a challenge…like we were fooling around behind their backs. There was a certain rush to it. Besides, other than Mia, I had never really had a girl feel anything for me before, and that ended before it even got a chance to begin. So, Gabi and I started hanging out more, with a few innocent kisses. A good, slow start. The problem is, the more we get into this relationship, the less “into” this relationship I am. The kisses, the feelings, are starting to feel forced. Like I’m going through the motions, but without the Emotions.
Today, when we were at the pub helping set up for our graduation party, Gabi practically started making out with me, in front of my family and friends. I basically shoved her off of me. I chalked it up to being embarrassed. I don’t DO PDA either. My personal life is just that: Personal. It was really the first time we had kissed like that. Like it was expected to lead to more. Not just more kissing but more. More closeness, more feelings, more commitment. And again, the more I get, the less I want. I can’t pinpoint what feels so wrong about our relationship, but as hard as I am trying, I’m not happy with her. Sure, we’re friends, but I’m not feeling that attraction that I should be feeling toward her.
Listen to me. Even when I am writing to myself I can’t tell the whole truth. Before Gabi’s little makeout attempt, we were walking through town, and ran into Abigail. Only, she wasn’t alone. She was with a dark haired guy a little older than me, and I didn’t recognize him at first. Gabi and I saw them hug, and when they let go of each other and his eyes opened, something shot through me like a rush of adrenaline or a lightning bolt…maybe both. And when his gaze met mine, I noticed that he had the most amazing brown eyes, with a smile that could brighten anyone’s worst day.
Gabi asked me who he was. I didn’t know, but I found myself wanting to know. Not just because he was hugging my friend’s girlfriend either. I wanted to know more about him. Even now, I feel strange writing all that. I can’t imagine trying to say it out loud…tell other people. No way. It is probably just because he’s new in town, I tell myself. A man of mystery. Anyone would want to know what his story was.
Gabi needed to go check on her mom, so I went and talked to Abby and the mystery man by myself. She introduced me to him and he took my hand to shake it. Again with the shockwaves. What is going on with me?
Turns out that the mystery man is Jackson Kiriakis, Abby’s cousin, “Sonny” to be exact. Once we got through the initial confusion of thinking he was with Abby…like, WITH Abby, I relaxed from being upset with him for screwing over my best friend. But I was still on edge. A different on edge. A butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of on edge. An on edge I had never felt with Gabi…or with any girl for that matter. And I wouldn’t swear to it, but, he seemed to be looking at me…a lot. Smiling. But then again, maybe he was just a nice guy, happy to be reunited with his cousin. Happy to be back home. Yes, that was definitely it. And I was just envious of him, standing there so confident, so sure of himself. If only I was that comfortable in my own skin.